MERLIN Recaps (1-1 & 1-2): The Mean Jock and the Dorky Closet Case Hug It Out
Posted on 21 June 2009 by Madeleine Mitchell
Episode 1: The Dragon’s Call
A skinny young man in a silly red neckerchief trudges enthusiastically across the countryside, as the inimitable voice of John Hurt voiceovers: “No young man, no matter how great, can know his destiny. He cannot glimpse his part in the Great Story that is about to unfold. Like everyone, he must live and learn. And so it will be for the young warlock arriving at the gates of Camelot. A boy that will, in time, father a legend. His name: Merlin.”
Cue the epically gorgeous theme song and credits.
So, one of the Great Stories is being rewritten for a new generation, you say? Oh, I’m so there, and very much looking forward to it.
It’s not as if this hasn’t happened to Arthurian lore before; even Malory’s Le Morte d’Arthur, the “classical” literary basis for most modern re-imaginings, is itself an amalgam of older Welsh legends and French and English romances. All of us likely have a version of the Camelot narrative that we know and expect, starting with the first one we encountered as children (Disney for me!), and shaped over the years by further exposure in books, television and movies. All stories evolve over time, and the only thing that really matters is whether the new version is any good.
Young Merlin arrives in Camelot, gawking happily in every direction at all the historical anachronisms. He’s less happy when he comes across a beheading in progress.
From a high balcony, Anthony Head proclaims what’s going on here: the condemned man has used MAGIC, a crime punishable by death, as decreed by King Giles - I mean, Uther Pendragon. When the axe comes down, Merlin is disgusted. King Giles, however, is enormously pleased and instantly declares a festival to celebrate twenty years of Camelot being a magic-free zone. He’s a genial, fun-loving villain, yes?
The dead sorcerer’s mother arrives to wail at the King about anti-magic bigotry and make death threats against his son. Before the guards can nab her she disappears in a magical windstorm. Is it just me, or does persecuting people who can do actual magic not seem particularly smart? Also, I will try to stop calling him King Giles.
Merlin seeks out Gaius, the court physician, and promptly startles the old man into falling out of his loft. Mid-fall, Merlin’s blue eyes turn golden and time freezes, while a bed magically slides over to catch him. Gaius is more curious than appalled, but Merlin seems terrified at being found out and blurts “I was just born this way!” That excuse is not going to cut it with King Uther. But Gaius has apparently been expecting Merlin; he has a room ready for him, and promises not to tell anyone about the magic. Merlin looks out of his little window and grins cheerily at the sight of Camelot under the light of the full moon. Wait, what just happened?
Oh good, here’s Merlin’s mother to explain the situation in voiceover. Apparently Merlin’s “special” nature has been attracting too much attention in their small village, so she naturally sent her son to live in the magic-free zone, where he would be under constant threat of beheading just for existing.
It all makes so much sense now.
Morgana, a beautiful young woman perhaps just a few years older than Merlin, is lingering at a window overlooking the execution site. Uther asks why she’s up here alone when he’s having a fabulous NO MAGIC ALLOWED party downstairs. Morgana is snarky and wonderful: “I just don’t think chopping someone’s head off is cause for a celebration.” They argue a bit, we find out that Uther is her guardian, and he orders her to be present for his festivities, because he’s having a famous singer perform. Morgana shouts at him: “The more brutal you are the more enemies you’ll create!” Excellent point, my Lady.
Lady Helen, the Medieval Idol that Uther invited for his festival, is camping in the forest. Her four inept guards fail to stop old Angry Magic Mother from sneaking into her tent, killing her via poppet-stabbing, and then stealing her appearance.
Merlin wakes up to the sound of John Hurt huskily purring his name over and over. Merlin is nowhere near as disturbed by this as he should be.
Gaius sends Merlin out on medicine deliveries to keep him out of trouble.
Errands accomplished, Merlin ambles into a courtyard where a strapping, handsome young blond man is making all sorts of haughty amazing faces whilst throwing knives at his servant for sport. Merlin decides to put a stop to it, causing the young man to mug his way over and get aggressively haughty.
Merlin stupidly calls Haughty an ass. Haughty assily calls Merlin stupid. Merlin stupidly tries to throw a punch, only to find himself twisted about and manhandled by Haughty, who reveals that he is none other than Prince Arthur Pendragon. Nice! Arthur’s the Mean Jock to Merlin’s Dorky Closet-Case. Cut to Merlin being literally thrown into the dungeon.
The next morning, Merlin once again awakens to John Hurt calling his name. This time he actually puts his ear to the floor, like yes Merlin, John Hurt is hiding under the pile of straw you slept on last night. Gaius enters to spring him from jail, but there’s “a small price to pay.”
This leads to my favorite historical anachronism of the episode: Merlin in the pillory! Several children bombard the young warlock with fruits and vegetables while Gaius laughs his damn head off. In the midst of his public humiliation, a pretty young woman strolls up and introduces herself as Guinevere. I’m less shocked that she’s black than I am that she’s Morgana’s maid. As if Prince Haughty is ever going to marry a servant.
Gwen is unable to shut up about how very, very strapping Arthur is (word, Gwen), but goes on to praise Merlin for standing up to him. They share a little laugh before Merlin is assaulted by another volley of produce. Merlin has a friend! And Camelot has an unlimited amount of unwanted tomatoes!
Later, Merlin asks if Gaius ever studied magic, and Gaius cagily and tellingly non-answers: “Uther banned all such work twenty years ago… People used magic for the wrong end at that time. It threw the natural order into chaos. Uther made it his mission to destroy everything from back then, even the dragons.” All except one dragon, which Uther imprisoned in a cave underneath the castle.
Oh, I like this a lot, and this is a good example of how the show’s writers are paying homage to the older myths and legends, even as they purposefully twist the classic story into something like Camelot High.
There’s an old Welsh legend in which Uther chains a dragon up in an underground cave and then builds Camelot directly on top of the only way out. The dragon spends the next century clawing his way up through the foundations of Camelot until he brings the castle crashing down. This is the red dragon on the Welsh flag. The dragon beneath the castle on this show is the gold dragon on the Pendragon family crest. It’s the echoes of older variations on legend, like this one, that convince me that the people making this show have put a lot more thought into the evolution of the story than many others are willing to credit them with. Sure there’s silliness, there are plot holes, and I have no idea what century this is supposed to be taking place in, but there is also a very pleasant element of surprise, even for a classics geek like me, in seeing all this creative tampering and piecing-together of the old into something that feels fresh.
Merlin is again accosted by Arthur, who has nothing better to do than wander the streets challenging commoners to mace fights. Arthur is clearly going to win, so Merlin cheats and uses magic to make Arthur trip over every object in his path. Just when Merlin gets the upper hand, Gaius intervenes to stop Merlin’s repeated idiotic public acts of magic, and Arthur hilariously makes his comeback by beating Merlin to the ground with a broom.
Back at Gaius’ place, Merlin has a tantrum about being a magical freak living in the magic-free zone, then goes to his room for a nice sulk. So Gaius orders him to take his shirt off and rubs some sort of salve on Merlin’s skinny torso and feeds him painkillers while Merlin angsts and angsts and angsts. Oh, dear.
Later, old men continue to make advances on Merlin, as John Hurt’s voice persistently beckons him out of bed and down to the dungeons. Merlin descends a creepy staircase to a massive underground cave, where he discovers that John Hurt is the Great Dragon, and Uther’s prisoner. As dragons go, he’s actually quite good-looking. He lays down some prophecy: Arthur will be a totally famous and awesome King, and Merlin will be there to help him. Merlin declines. Silly, silly Merlin, says the Great Dragon, you cannot decline DESTINY! Merlin continues to be adorable: “No way. No. There must be another Arthur, because this one’s an idiot.” Yeah, this Merlin is an idiot too, but the Dragon has to work with what he’s got. He tells Merlin to get Arthur sorted out and flies away into the recesses of the cave.
Morgana has decided to attend the party, after all, and tries to decide between the sumptuous gown and the slutty gown. I vote slutty!
It’s a full moon again. Four days after the last full moon. Clearly magic is to blame. Down at the party, Gaius has somehow scored an invite for Merlin, Arthur is being fratty with his knights,
and Morgana has opted for the slutty gown! It’s not slutty by today’s standards, but her shoulders are bare, she looks wicked hot and Arthur is practically panting at the sight of her.
Not Lady Helen shows up for her highly anticipated performance. Much like the popular musicians of the present day, Not Lady Helen is a fantastic lip-syncher, and soon she has the entire court under her spell. It’s a gorgeous scene – the song starts out beguiling, but swells to malevolence as the party-goers fall asleep at their tables and are blanketed by magical cobwebs. Only Merlin sees what is happening, and foils the effects of the song by… covering his ears with his hands! I love Merlin.
Just before Not Lady Helen throws a knife at the sleeping Prince, Merlin magically assaults her with a falling chandelier. Everyone wakes up and starts disentangling themselves from the cobwebs, but the sorceress has changed back into Angry Magic Mother, and she makes one last attempt at Arthur’s life. Merlin causes time to slow down and tackles Arthur out of the blade’s path. Angry Magic Mother collapses and dies of chandelier-inflicted injuries.
Uther celebrates her death by rewarding the young hero with a great honor: “You shall be Prince Arthur’s manservant!” The boys are both outraged and make adorable faces at each other, making me giggle right through the final scene and into the credits.
That was such fun, and a great re-introduction to our main characters in their promising new premise. Let’s have another, shall we?
Episode 2: Valiant
New John Hurt Voiceover Intro: “In a land of myth, and a time of magic, the destiny of a great kingdom rests on the shoulders of a young boy. His name: Merlin.” Dramatic camera swoop on Merlin’s Golden Eye of Magic.
There’s a tournament in Camelot, and the shady Knight Valiant shows up with a magic shield that has real snakes inside. If he calls, the snakes will come out and attack his opponent. Meanwhile Arthur is, for some reason, preparing for the tournament by training with Merlin, who can’t even hold his sword and shield properly, much less defend against Arthur’s blows.
Arthur bashes him about the head, spanks him with the flat of his sword, then bashes him about the head some more. Merlin falls over and asks if they can stop, but no, they cannot. Arthur has a tournament to win.
Back at Gaius’, Merlin moans about Arthur’s abuse and how much work he has to do, while Gaius gives him a vigorous massage. Episodes where Gaius puts his hands all over Merlin: 2 for 2!
Merlin slowly bumbles his way through buckling Arthur into his tournament gear, attempts some well-meaning small talk about the upcoming fights, and nearly gets a quick pre-tournament thrashing from the extra-tetchy Arthur for his troubles.
Uther addresses the assembled knights: they will fight to prove their prowess, to win one thousand pieces of gold, and to challenge Prince Arthur, who is the reigning Champion. Then he advises Arthur, sotto voce, to make Daddy proud. Arthur looks grumpy, and slightly nauseous.
Tournament montage! Arthur twirls his sword, Morgana and Gwen are excited, Arthur wins, Merlin cheers like a giddy fangirl, Valiant beats the crap out of someone, Uther totally approves, Morgana flutters her eyelashes. That was great! Arthur and Merlin have a tiny moment of bonding over how creepy Valiant is before Arthur gets back to business: “For tomorrow you need to repair my shield, wash my tunic, clean my boots, sharpen my sword, and polish my chainmail!” And oh, the dismay on Merlin’s funny little face. Then he goes home and uses magic to do all the chores for him. Cheater.
At dinner, Valiant confirms that if he wins the tournament, he will get the
hidden extra prize Uther didn’t mention: being Morgana’s escort to the big end-of-tournament feast. Morgana looks at Valiant like she wants to break out the slutty gown for him. Arthur pretends he isn’t jealous.
Merlin becomes suspicious of the Slytherin shield when he hears it hissing at him, so he sticks his face right up next to it, like the brave little idiot he is. Before the snakes can bite Merlin’s face off, Valiant arrives and hustles him away from the shield at sword-point.
Now Merlin proudly presents the next montage: The Art of Manservanting. Looking ultra-determined, if not properly obsequious, Merlin expertly snaps, clasps and buckles Arthur into every last bit of his gleaming armor in record time. Arthur is almost appreciative, but still slightly assy. Merlin sincerely wishes him good luck. Aww. He’s trying so hard.
Tournament montage, Round 2: Arthur is awesome, Uther is hard to please, Merlin is Arthur’s biggest fan. Valiant covertly uses the snakes to take down a tough opponent. Booo!
Gaius and Merlin figure out that the fallen knight has been poisoned with a snake bite, via the Slytherin shield, but Gaius advises proceeding with caution. If Merlin accuses Valiant without proof, he’ll only get himself in trouble - the word of a servant doesn’t count for anything as far as Uther is concerned, and Uther is Law. Merlin does not reply, but makes a face of adorable defiance, so you know he’s going to go rushing in and cock everything up. Gaius knows it too, but he’s a busy man, because he’s the only doctor in town, with a castle full of grown men beating each other senseless for fun, plus the occasional mysterious snake bite.
Tournament montage, Round 3: More of the same - Arthur awesomely punches his opponent in the head with his shield, everyone cheers, Valiant pummels another knight into the dirt, Uther approves.
The finals are next: Arthur versus Valiant. While Uther is practically offering to adopt Valiant right in fr
ont of a morose Arthur, Merlin almost gets bitten by a snake, uses a sword to lop off one of the snake’s heads, then almost gets caught by Valiant again. Gaius extracts the snake’s venom and starts brewing the antidote.
Merlin takes the snake’s head to show Arthur, hoping the Prince will back him up. Arthur is skeptical, but Merlin eventually convinces him with earnest intensity: “I know I’m just a servant, and my word doesn’t count for anything. I wouldn’t lie to you.” Arthur wants to trust him so badly. He makes Merlin swear to him it’s the truth, as a snake spies from a ceiling beam.
Arthur makes a formal accusation of MAGIC against Valiant in front of the entire court, and it goes badly. Uther wants proof, but the poisoned knight is now dead, because Valiant sent another snake to finish the job. So the only proof Arthur has is… Merlin’s word. Uther yells at Arthur, Valiant implies that Arthur is just trying to get out of the fight, Merlin speaks before he’s spoken to, and Arthur is forced to retract his accusation. Question: why isn’t Gaius providing expert medical testimony?
The fallout is ugly. As soon as the boys are alone, Arthur grieves for his reputation and Golden Boy status. Merlin doesn’t really get what a big deal this is for Arthur (it’s everything), and tries to commiserate over their mutual failure. Arthur explodes in rage and fires Merlin. Merlin tries to decline being fired, of course, because he has no idea how the world actually works, but Arthur’s violent temper chases him away.
Merlin goes to tell the Great Dragon that his Destiny now hates him.
The Dragon speaks enigmatically, as dragons do: “The half cannot truly hate that which makes it whole.” Merlin doesn’t get it. The Dragon says a few more things that go right over Merlin’s head and then flaps away. Memo to Dragon: in the future, dumb it down a bit when speaking to naïve, angsty young warlocks.
Gwen is a bit more helpful, because she is uncomplicated and appeals to Merlin’s strong sense of morality: “You have to show everyone that you were right and they were wrong!” Merlin starts working on a spell to bring inanimate depictions of animals to life. Clever boy.
Having no luck with the spell, Merlin makes a last-ditch attempt to persuade Arthur that he is telling the truth, but Arthur already knows he is. He also knows Valiant will try to kill him, yet backing out of the fight is not an option. He’s willing to risk death in order to prove his bravery. This is another concept that Merlin does not get. Merlin doesn’t have to prove his bravery; being brave is something that just happens to him, when he’s passionate about what’s right, or what’s true, and no one expects it of him. Arthur’s life in Uther’s shadow is the opposite: if everyone believes in Arthur’s bravery, strength and prowess, then he himself becomes what’s right and true. The King is Law, Might Makes Right - all that rubbish. Arthur sees it with surprising clarity, and knows there’s no way out. Merlin has a destiny; Arthur has a duty.
Suddenly it’s entirely possible that I could learn to like Arthur for more than his face and his twirling sword. Likewise, Merlin is possibly starting to understand his Prince a bit better, so he goes back to working on the magical solution, since that’s the only thing he’s really good at.
The Tournament Finals! Arthur’s face is fierce, everyone is tense. Morgana looks like she’s going to throw up. Arthur twirls his sword, which never fails to please me and the entire crowd. All of the fight scenes have been good, but this one is great.
Just as Arthur has been disarmed by Valiant’s brute strength, Merlin runs up with his brand new spell and brings the snakes to life in front of everyone. Valiant orders the snakes to kill Arthur. Why? It doesn’t matter, because Morgana grabs Uther’s sword and tosses it to Arthur, who swiftly kills the snakes, then Valiant. The crowd chants his name, Uther spares him an approving nod, and he knows a moment of relief, having done his duty.
Yet another lavish feast - Uther is so the Party King. Arthur enters as the Champion, the Golden Boy, with a circlet adorning his head and Morgana adorning his arm. They talk about Uther’s tough love, which is the one thing they have in common, and then Morgana brings up how she, the Girl, totally helped save the Prince. Arthur is still enough of an ass to deny that he ever needed rescuing, and their banter quickly devolves into bitchy sibling rivalry territory. I enjoy that they’re not actually brother and sister in this version, which allows for non-squicky flirtatiousness, yet they still maintain a strong sibling vibe, which allows for this weirdly sweet and childish antagonism.
Arthur makes a beeline for Merlin, who I’m starting to suspect is the closest thing Arthur has to an actual friend: “I wanted to say I made a mistake. It was unfair to sack you.” Merlin is relieved, and hilariously gets a little flirty, asking Arthur to buy him a drink (oh come on, I refuse to believe that the Party King does not have an open bar!).
Arthur makes a series of awesome faces because he can’t be seen buying drinks for his servant. Merlin is briefly overjoyed to be unfired, but then the Prince lays down the law and reminds Merlin of his duties: “My chambers are a complete mess, my clothes need washing, my armor needs repairing, my boots need cleaning, my dogs need exercising, my fireplace needs sweeping, my bed needs changing, and someone needs to muck out my stables!” Oh, Arthur.
Not as great as the first episode, but my impulses towards nitpicking — say the fact that they appear to be living (mostly) in 12th century England — are subsiding, because I like the characters and the actors who play them, and because I am a sucker for a well-twirled sword. Gwen and Morgana were put on the backburner for the most part, but at least we made some headway with regards to Arthur’s character, and his relationship with Merlin
A skinny young man in a silly red neckerchief trudges enthusiastically across the countryside, as the inimitable voice of John Hurt voiceovers: “No young man, no matter how great, can know his destiny. He cannot glimpse his part in the Great Story that is about to unfold. Like everyone, he must live and learn. And so it will be for the young warlock arriving at the gates of Camelot. A boy that will, in time, father a legend. His name: Merlin.”
Cue the epically gorgeous theme song and credits.
So, one of the Great Stories is being rewritten for a new generation, you say? Oh, I’m so there, and very much looking forward to it.
It’s not as if this hasn’t happened to Arthurian lore before; even Malory’s Le Morte d’Arthur, the “classical” literary basis for most modern re-imaginings, is itself an amalgam of older Welsh legends and French and English romances. All of us likely have a version of the Camelot narrative that we know and expect, starting with the first one we encountered as children (Disney for me!), and shaped over the years by further exposure in books, television and movies. All stories evolve over time, and the only thing that really matters is whether the new version is any good.
Young Merlin arrives in Camelot, gawking happily in every direction at all the historical anachronisms. He’s less happy when he comes across a beheading in progress.
From a high balcony, Anthony Head proclaims what’s going on here: the condemned man has used MAGIC, a crime punishable by death, as decreed by King Giles - I mean, Uther Pendragon. When the axe comes down, Merlin is disgusted. King Giles, however, is enormously pleased and instantly declares a festival to celebrate twenty years of Camelot being a magic-free zone. He’s a genial, fun-loving villain, yes?The dead sorcerer’s mother arrives to wail at the King about anti-magic bigotry and make death threats against his son. Before the guards can nab her she disappears in a magical windstorm. Is it just me, or does persecuting people who can do actual magic not seem particularly smart? Also, I will try to stop calling him King Giles.
Merlin seeks out Gaius, the court physician, and promptly startles the old man into falling out of his loft. Mid-fall, Merlin’s blue eyes turn golden and time freezes, while a bed magically slides over to catch him. Gaius is more curious than appalled, but Merlin seems terrified at being found out and blurts “I was just born this way!” That excuse is not going to cut it with King Uther. But Gaius has apparently been expecting Merlin; he has a room ready for him, and promises not to tell anyone about the magic. Merlin looks out of his little window and grins cheerily at the sight of Camelot under the light of the full moon. Wait, what just happened?
Oh good, here’s Merlin’s mother to explain the situation in voiceover. Apparently Merlin’s “special” nature has been attracting too much attention in their small village, so she naturally sent her son to live in the magic-free zone, where he would be under constant threat of beheading just for existing.
It all makes so much sense now.
Morgana, a beautiful young woman perhaps just a few years older than Merlin, is lingering at a window overlooking the execution site. Uther asks why she’s up here alone when he’s having a fabulous NO MAGIC ALLOWED party downstairs. Morgana is snarky and wonderful: “I just don’t think chopping someone’s head off is cause for a celebration.” They argue a bit, we find out that Uther is her guardian, and he orders her to be present for his festivities, because he’s having a famous singer perform. Morgana shouts at him: “The more brutal you are the more enemies you’ll create!” Excellent point, my Lady.
Lady Helen, the Medieval Idol that Uther invited for his festival, is camping in the forest. Her four inept guards fail to stop old Angry Magic Mother from sneaking into her tent, killing her via poppet-stabbing, and then stealing her appearance.
Merlin wakes up to the sound of John Hurt huskily purring his name over and over. Merlin is nowhere near as disturbed by this as he should be.
Gaius sends Merlin out on medicine deliveries to keep him out of trouble.
Errands accomplished, Merlin ambles into a courtyard where a strapping, handsome young blond man is making all sorts of haughty amazing faces whilst throwing knives at his servant for sport. Merlin decides to put a stop to it, causing the young man to mug his way over and get aggressively haughty.Merlin stupidly calls Haughty an ass. Haughty assily calls Merlin stupid. Merlin stupidly tries to throw a punch, only to find himself twisted about and manhandled by Haughty, who reveals that he is none other than Prince Arthur Pendragon. Nice! Arthur’s the Mean Jock to Merlin’s Dorky Closet-Case. Cut to Merlin being literally thrown into the dungeon.
The next morning, Merlin once again awakens to John Hurt calling his name. This time he actually puts his ear to the floor, like yes Merlin, John Hurt is hiding under the pile of straw you slept on last night. Gaius enters to spring him from jail, but there’s “a small price to pay.”
This leads to my favorite historical anachronism of the episode: Merlin in the pillory! Several children bombard the young warlock with fruits and vegetables while Gaius laughs his damn head off. In the midst of his public humiliation, a pretty young woman strolls up and introduces herself as Guinevere. I’m less shocked that she’s black than I am that she’s Morgana’s maid. As if Prince Haughty is ever going to marry a servant.
Gwen is unable to shut up about how very, very strapping Arthur is (word, Gwen), but goes on to praise Merlin for standing up to him. They share a little laugh before Merlin is assaulted by another volley of produce. Merlin has a friend! And Camelot has an unlimited amount of unwanted tomatoes!Later, Merlin asks if Gaius ever studied magic, and Gaius cagily and tellingly non-answers: “Uther banned all such work twenty years ago… People used magic for the wrong end at that time. It threw the natural order into chaos. Uther made it his mission to destroy everything from back then, even the dragons.” All except one dragon, which Uther imprisoned in a cave underneath the castle.
Oh, I like this a lot, and this is a good example of how the show’s writers are paying homage to the older myths and legends, even as they purposefully twist the classic story into something like Camelot High.
There’s an old Welsh legend in which Uther chains a dragon up in an underground cave and then builds Camelot directly on top of the only way out. The dragon spends the next century clawing his way up through the foundations of Camelot until he brings the castle crashing down. This is the red dragon on the Welsh flag. The dragon beneath the castle on this show is the gold dragon on the Pendragon family crest. It’s the echoes of older variations on legend, like this one, that convince me that the people making this show have put a lot more thought into the evolution of the story than many others are willing to credit them with. Sure there’s silliness, there are plot holes, and I have no idea what century this is supposed to be taking place in, but there is also a very pleasant element of surprise, even for a classics geek like me, in seeing all this creative tampering and piecing-together of the old into something that feels fresh.
Merlin is again accosted by Arthur, who has nothing better to do than wander the streets challenging commoners to mace fights. Arthur is clearly going to win, so Merlin cheats and uses magic to make Arthur trip over every object in his path. Just when Merlin gets the upper hand, Gaius intervenes to stop Merlin’s repeated idiotic public acts of magic, and Arthur hilariously makes his comeback by beating Merlin to the ground with a broom.Back at Gaius’ place, Merlin has a tantrum about being a magical freak living in the magic-free zone, then goes to his room for a nice sulk. So Gaius orders him to take his shirt off and rubs some sort of salve on Merlin’s skinny torso and feeds him painkillers while Merlin angsts and angsts and angsts. Oh, dear.
Later, old men continue to make advances on Merlin, as John Hurt’s voice persistently beckons him out of bed and down to the dungeons. Merlin descends a creepy staircase to a massive underground cave, where he discovers that John Hurt is the Great Dragon, and Uther’s prisoner. As dragons go, he’s actually quite good-looking. He lays down some prophecy: Arthur will be a totally famous and awesome King, and Merlin will be there to help him. Merlin declines. Silly, silly Merlin, says the Great Dragon, you cannot decline DESTINY! Merlin continues to be adorable: “No way. No. There must be another Arthur, because this one’s an idiot.” Yeah, this Merlin is an idiot too, but the Dragon has to work with what he’s got. He tells Merlin to get Arthur sorted out and flies away into the recesses of the cave.
Morgana has decided to attend the party, after all, and tries to decide between the sumptuous gown and the slutty gown. I vote slutty!
It’s a full moon again. Four days after the last full moon. Clearly magic is to blame. Down at the party, Gaius has somehow scored an invite for Merlin, Arthur is being fratty with his knights,
and Morgana has opted for the slutty gown! It’s not slutty by today’s standards, but her shoulders are bare, she looks wicked hot and Arthur is practically panting at the sight of her.Not Lady Helen shows up for her highly anticipated performance. Much like the popular musicians of the present day, Not Lady Helen is a fantastic lip-syncher, and soon she has the entire court under her spell. It’s a gorgeous scene – the song starts out beguiling, but swells to malevolence as the party-goers fall asleep at their tables and are blanketed by magical cobwebs. Only Merlin sees what is happening, and foils the effects of the song by… covering his ears with his hands! I love Merlin.
Just before Not Lady Helen throws a knife at the sleeping Prince, Merlin magically assaults her with a falling chandelier. Everyone wakes up and starts disentangling themselves from the cobwebs, but the sorceress has changed back into Angry Magic Mother, and she makes one last attempt at Arthur’s life. Merlin causes time to slow down and tackles Arthur out of the blade’s path. Angry Magic Mother collapses and dies of chandelier-inflicted injuries.
Uther celebrates her death by rewarding the young hero with a great honor: “You shall be Prince Arthur’s manservant!” The boys are both outraged and make adorable faces at each other, making me giggle right through the final scene and into the credits.
That was such fun, and a great re-introduction to our main characters in their promising new premise. Let’s have another, shall we?
Episode 2: Valiant
New John Hurt Voiceover Intro: “In a land of myth, and a time of magic, the destiny of a great kingdom rests on the shoulders of a young boy. His name: Merlin.” Dramatic camera swoop on Merlin’s Golden Eye of Magic.
There’s a tournament in Camelot, and the shady Knight Valiant shows up with a magic shield that has real snakes inside. If he calls, the snakes will come out and attack his opponent. Meanwhile Arthur is, for some reason, preparing for the tournament by training with Merlin, who can’t even hold his sword and shield properly, much less defend against Arthur’s blows.
Arthur bashes him about the head, spanks him with the flat of his sword, then bashes him about the head some more. Merlin falls over and asks if they can stop, but no, they cannot. Arthur has a tournament to win.Back at Gaius’, Merlin moans about Arthur’s abuse and how much work he has to do, while Gaius gives him a vigorous massage. Episodes where Gaius puts his hands all over Merlin: 2 for 2!
Merlin slowly bumbles his way through buckling Arthur into his tournament gear, attempts some well-meaning small talk about the upcoming fights, and nearly gets a quick pre-tournament thrashing from the extra-tetchy Arthur for his troubles.
Uther addresses the assembled knights: they will fight to prove their prowess, to win one thousand pieces of gold, and to challenge Prince Arthur, who is the reigning Champion. Then he advises Arthur, sotto voce, to make Daddy proud. Arthur looks grumpy, and slightly nauseous.
Tournament montage! Arthur twirls his sword, Morgana and Gwen are excited, Arthur wins, Merlin cheers like a giddy fangirl, Valiant beats the crap out of someone, Uther totally approves, Morgana flutters her eyelashes. That was great! Arthur and Merlin have a tiny moment of bonding over how creepy Valiant is before Arthur gets back to business: “For tomorrow you need to repair my shield, wash my tunic, clean my boots, sharpen my sword, and polish my chainmail!” And oh, the dismay on Merlin’s funny little face. Then he goes home and uses magic to do all the chores for him. Cheater.
At dinner, Valiant confirms that if he wins the tournament, he will get the
hidden extra prize Uther didn’t mention: being Morgana’s escort to the big end-of-tournament feast. Morgana looks at Valiant like she wants to break out the slutty gown for him. Arthur pretends he isn’t jealous.Merlin becomes suspicious of the Slytherin shield when he hears it hissing at him, so he sticks his face right up next to it, like the brave little idiot he is. Before the snakes can bite Merlin’s face off, Valiant arrives and hustles him away from the shield at sword-point.
Now Merlin proudly presents the next montage: The Art of Manservanting. Looking ultra-determined, if not properly obsequious, Merlin expertly snaps, clasps and buckles Arthur into every last bit of his gleaming armor in record time. Arthur is almost appreciative, but still slightly assy. Merlin sincerely wishes him good luck. Aww. He’s trying so hard.
Tournament montage, Round 2: Arthur is awesome, Uther is hard to please, Merlin is Arthur’s biggest fan. Valiant covertly uses the snakes to take down a tough opponent. Booo!
Gaius and Merlin figure out that the fallen knight has been poisoned with a snake bite, via the Slytherin shield, but Gaius advises proceeding with caution. If Merlin accuses Valiant without proof, he’ll only get himself in trouble - the word of a servant doesn’t count for anything as far as Uther is concerned, and Uther is Law. Merlin does not reply, but makes a face of adorable defiance, so you know he’s going to go rushing in and cock everything up. Gaius knows it too, but he’s a busy man, because he’s the only doctor in town, with a castle full of grown men beating each other senseless for fun, plus the occasional mysterious snake bite.
Tournament montage, Round 3: More of the same - Arthur awesomely punches his opponent in the head with his shield, everyone cheers, Valiant pummels another knight into the dirt, Uther approves.
The finals are next: Arthur versus Valiant. While Uther is practically offering to adopt Valiant right in fr
ont of a morose Arthur, Merlin almost gets bitten by a snake, uses a sword to lop off one of the snake’s heads, then almost gets caught by Valiant again. Gaius extracts the snake’s venom and starts brewing the antidote.Merlin takes the snake’s head to show Arthur, hoping the Prince will back him up. Arthur is skeptical, but Merlin eventually convinces him with earnest intensity: “I know I’m just a servant, and my word doesn’t count for anything. I wouldn’t lie to you.” Arthur wants to trust him so badly. He makes Merlin swear to him it’s the truth, as a snake spies from a ceiling beam.
Arthur makes a formal accusation of MAGIC against Valiant in front of the entire court, and it goes badly. Uther wants proof, but the poisoned knight is now dead, because Valiant sent another snake to finish the job. So the only proof Arthur has is… Merlin’s word. Uther yells at Arthur, Valiant implies that Arthur is just trying to get out of the fight, Merlin speaks before he’s spoken to, and Arthur is forced to retract his accusation. Question: why isn’t Gaius providing expert medical testimony?
The fallout is ugly. As soon as the boys are alone, Arthur grieves for his reputation and Golden Boy status. Merlin doesn’t really get what a big deal this is for Arthur (it’s everything), and tries to commiserate over their mutual failure. Arthur explodes in rage and fires Merlin. Merlin tries to decline being fired, of course, because he has no idea how the world actually works, but Arthur’s violent temper chases him away.
Merlin goes to tell the Great Dragon that his Destiny now hates him.
The Dragon speaks enigmatically, as dragons do: “The half cannot truly hate that which makes it whole.” Merlin doesn’t get it. The Dragon says a few more things that go right over Merlin’s head and then flaps away. Memo to Dragon: in the future, dumb it down a bit when speaking to naïve, angsty young warlocks.Gwen is a bit more helpful, because she is uncomplicated and appeals to Merlin’s strong sense of morality: “You have to show everyone that you were right and they were wrong!” Merlin starts working on a spell to bring inanimate depictions of animals to life. Clever boy.
Having no luck with the spell, Merlin makes a last-ditch attempt to persuade Arthur that he is telling the truth, but Arthur already knows he is. He also knows Valiant will try to kill him, yet backing out of the fight is not an option. He’s willing to risk death in order to prove his bravery. This is another concept that Merlin does not get. Merlin doesn’t have to prove his bravery; being brave is something that just happens to him, when he’s passionate about what’s right, or what’s true, and no one expects it of him. Arthur’s life in Uther’s shadow is the opposite: if everyone believes in Arthur’s bravery, strength and prowess, then he himself becomes what’s right and true. The King is Law, Might Makes Right - all that rubbish. Arthur sees it with surprising clarity, and knows there’s no way out. Merlin has a destiny; Arthur has a duty.
Suddenly it’s entirely possible that I could learn to like Arthur for more than his face and his twirling sword. Likewise, Merlin is possibly starting to understand his Prince a bit better, so he goes back to working on the magical solution, since that’s the only thing he’s really good at.
The Tournament Finals! Arthur’s face is fierce, everyone is tense. Morgana looks like she’s going to throw up. Arthur twirls his sword, which never fails to please me and the entire crowd. All of the fight scenes have been good, but this one is great.Just as Arthur has been disarmed by Valiant’s brute strength, Merlin runs up with his brand new spell and brings the snakes to life in front of everyone. Valiant orders the snakes to kill Arthur. Why? It doesn’t matter, because Morgana grabs Uther’s sword and tosses it to Arthur, who swiftly kills the snakes, then Valiant. The crowd chants his name, Uther spares him an approving nod, and he knows a moment of relief, having done his duty.
Yet another lavish feast - Uther is so the Party King. Arthur enters as the Champion, the Golden Boy, with a circlet adorning his head and Morgana adorning his arm. They talk about Uther’s tough love, which is the one thing they have in common, and then Morgana brings up how she, the Girl, totally helped save the Prince. Arthur is still enough of an ass to deny that he ever needed rescuing, and their banter quickly devolves into bitchy sibling rivalry territory. I enjoy that they’re not actually brother and sister in this version, which allows for non-squicky flirtatiousness, yet they still maintain a strong sibling vibe, which allows for this weirdly sweet and childish antagonism.
Arthur makes a beeline for Merlin, who I’m starting to suspect is the closest thing Arthur has to an actual friend: “I wanted to say I made a mistake. It was unfair to sack you.” Merlin is relieved, and hilariously gets a little flirty, asking Arthur to buy him a drink (oh come on, I refuse to believe that the Party King does not have an open bar!).
Arthur makes a series of awesome faces because he can’t be seen buying drinks for his servant. Merlin is briefly overjoyed to be unfired, but then the Prince lays down the law and reminds Merlin of his duties: “My chambers are a complete mess, my clothes need washing, my armor needs repairing, my boots need cleaning, my dogs need exercising, my fireplace needs sweeping, my bed needs changing, and someone needs to muck out my stables!” Oh, Arthur.
Not as great as the first episode, but my impulses towards nitpicking — say the fact that they appear to be living (mostly) in 12th century England — are subsiding, because I like the characters and the actors who play them, and because I am a sucker for a well-twirled sword. Gwen and Morgana were put on the backburner for the most part, but at least we made some headway with regards to Arthur’s character, and his relationship with Merlin
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